Round 5 Review

Written by Thommo on April 26 2017

THE BLUNNY

And we have another leader after Round 5 with Dilan’s BabyBombers@SCT moving up into the lead for the Group prize. Overall he is 233rd. Impressive!

So, the top 5 are:

TEAM COACH TOTAL SCORE Rank
1 Baby Bombers@SCT Dilan 11255 233
2 Jobe robbed@SCT Jataal 11249 247
3 No Worries@SCT Timothy 11205 449
4 Winterblues@SCT Ross 11180 616
5 Obrigado@SCT Alex 11139 995

Please note that I am only listing the teams from the group with @SCT because only they are eligible for the overall prize!

SUPERTALK COACH CHAMPION

Last week, we Supercoaches voted for:

5 – Luke Dahlhaus; who doesn’t love a good VC loop-de-doop?

4 – Tom Rockliff; his 176 had many coaches scrambling to fit him in our midfields.

3 – Tom Lynch; he repaid his coaches with 7 goals and they repaid him with votes.

2 – Stefan Martin; #1 ruckman with a bullet.

1 – Eddie Betts. Legend!

The overall leaderboard stands as follows:

Player Total Votes
Rory Sloane 8
Patrick Dangerfield 7
Luke Dahlhaus 5
Rory Laird 5
Dustin Martin 5
Nick Riewoldt 5
Robbie Gray 4
Marc Murphy 4
Tom Rockliff 4
Josh Kennedy (WC) 3
Tom Lynch 3
Marcus Bontempelli 2
Stefan Martin 2
Scott Pendlebury 2
Eddie Betts 1
Dyson Heppell 1
Toby Nankervis 1

So who did you like in Round 5?

Supercoach Talk Champion 2017, Round 5 (5 choices)

View Results

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ANZAC DAY ROUND

Obviously we’ve just had the ANZAC Day round so this will sound familiar to you: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=McCDWYgVyps

Celebrating ANZAC Day, and the fact I had spare time across a five day round, got me to thinking about war and the constant parallels drawn between sport and war. Now most of us have copped a few of those tackles, when you find yourself staring at the sky, wondering when the world became horizontal and why everyone is suddenly so concerned what your name and current address is, but I’m not sure a concussion and sore ribs can really be compared to war. But I decided if everyone else is doing it, I’m going to as well, so let’s get tangential and compare famous battles to footy games.

And yes, if someone else jumps off a bridge, I will jump off a bridge too: I am one of nature’s followers.

If you don’t like reading massively long posts, this is probably not the article you seek.

HEROES AND VILLAINS FOR ROUND 4

PORT ADELAIDE 20.17 (137) DEF CARLTON 6.11 (47)

The Battle of Thermopylae: 480BC

You shall not pass!

With Carlton playing a revitalized Port at Adelaide Oval, I was thinking of underdogs fighting an unwinnable battle and there are few more one sided battles than Thermopylae.

The head of the Persian Empire, King Xerxes, wanted to conquer Greece as he had most of Europe. He was angry that the Greeks couldn’t pronounce his name as they weren’t big on X’s. The normally bickering Greek states scraped together 6000 men and united with King Leonidas’s 300 Spartans to meet the force of 100,000 Persians at a mountain pass in central Greece called Thermopylae. Due to the narrow pass, the Persians could not utilize their superior numbers to any effect and they were too stupid to find another way around, so for two days the Greeks held the pass.

Finally a Greek traitor who saw the writing on the wall showed King Xerxes a way around the pass and the Persian army was able to surround the Greek forces. King Leonidas advised his allies to flee when the treachery was discovered but he and his Spartans fought to the end knowing there was a movie deal on the line.

He knew we all love an underdog.

Unfortunately, much like the Spartans, Carlton held the Power for two quarters before they too were smashed under the weight of forward 50 entries and possessions.

At least the Blues get to fight another day!

Heroes

Look, I have owned Robbie Gray (139) enough times in Supercoach to have a soft spot for him, but in this forward role he is turning in to a bit of a flat-track bully, smashing weak teams by kicking bags of goals but going missing the rest of the time. Until he finds consistency, he is no fun to own this season but at least he should regain his forward eligibility next season. Nudge, nudge, wink, wink.

Ollie Wines (122) is frustrating all of us who owned him last season by actually hitting targets this season. His 35 possessions, 15 contested, ran at 85% DE and he is now averaging 121 points per match. Brad Ebert (122) isn’t far behind at 113.8 points per match however he has done this before and dropped off badly late in the season.

Patrick Cripps (109) fought hard to represent the Blues with 37 possessions, 18 contested, 5 tackles and 7 clearances but he looked really sore, so despite his plummeting price I’m loath to pick him up before his bye.

Jared Polec (101) was the benefactor of Port’s inside mids getting first use of the ball with 25 possessions and 2 goals while Chad Wingard (101) got his hands dirty with 10 tackles, 25 possessions and 1 goal, 4 behinds. The Chad could have gone so much bigger if he’s nailed a couple more goals.

Villains

Ed Curnow (51) has really dropped off with Marc Murphy, Bryce Gibbs and Patrick Cripps all playing consistently but does anyone actually own him?

In a week celebrating war, couldn’t Marc Murphy (69) stick just 1 tackle? Normally I applaud a bit of Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure but this was a 69 that his owners didn’t enjoy. And yes, I know his knee was sore but suck it up, Princess!

Patrick Ryder (83) won the ruck battle but he’s scoring in an annoyingly middling fashion with just the 9 possessions to go with 41 hit-outs. Nank the Tank is shaping up as the better forward-ruck option.

WESTERN BULLDOGS 17 20 (122) DEF BRISBANE 14 6 (90)

The Hundred Years War: The Battle of Agincourt, 1415

Try charging towards that!

In Bob Murphy’s 300th match, things looked pretty bleak for the Dogs as the straight kicking Lions threatened to overrun them. A second half charge got them over the line as they snatched victory from the jaws of defeat as the English did at the Battle of Agincourt.

The young King of England, Henry V, had laid siege to Harfleur in Normandy with 11,000 soldiers but lost half his force to illness and battle casualties. He decided Normandy was just as grey and dreary as England and chose to go home rather than fight on. Unfortunately, on his way to meet the rest of the English forces in Calais before departing he ran into an army of 20,000 French just chilling at Agincourt.

The battlefield was a small, marshy plain between two woods which prevented the French knights who donned heavy armour from advancing quickly. A genius ploy that, for soldiers who closely resembled metal turtles to choose to fight in mud!

The English went all Robin Hood on their tin butts using their newly developed longbows, decimating the French forces before they could even cross the bog and reach the English forces.

When they finally engaged, there was not enough space for the French to use their big-arse swords and the lightly clad English bowman darted in to massacre their slower moving foe.

All up, the English lost 400 compared with 6000 French and learnt the most important lesson in history: It is not the size of your sword that matters, it is how you use it!

King Henry V went on to be named heir to the throne of France in 1420 then died 2 months later of a fever.

Wash your hands and get a flu shot people!

Heroes

So who put money on Jackson Macrae (121), Marcus Adams (121) and Dayne Zorko (121) to share the honours for top Supercoach scorer in this match? Just to show you how difficult Perfect 9 (picking the top SC scorer in every match in a week) is, Macrae had 29 possessions at 86% DE, 3 marks and 1 goal, Adams had 16 possessions and 10 marks (3 contested) at 93% DE, and Zorko had 32 possessions at 57%, 8 tackles, 6 marks (1 contested) and 2 goals.

There are so many different ways to score 121 SC points!

Luke Dahlhaus (120) was just off the pace as top Dog but is shaping up as an obvious top 2 forward and Mitch Robinson (116) somehow went at 95% DE from his 21 possessions, and he also kicked 1 goal and gave off another 3 goals. Is that the first time in his career that he has hit the target so consistently?

Villains

By any chance could Lachie Hunter (45) hit a target, with only 7 of his 17 possessions finding a teammate? I mean, if Mitch Robinson can do it, anyone can! Matthew Boyd (69) found plenty of the ball with 23 possessions but he finally seems to have become irrelevant in SC land.

Finally, Daniel Rich (65) seems to be either a hero or villain this season, taking the yo-yo role from Yeo.

ADELAIDE 23.15 (153) DEF GOLD COAST 13.8 (86)

The Battle of Hastings: 1066AD

Somebody get that man a horse!

When you watch Adelaide you think of skill and speed in attack and the Battle of Hastings certainly replicated that with the Normans utilizing a blend of archers and cavalry to wreak havoc amongst the English.

When the King of England, Edward the Confessor died, his distant cousin William of Normandy (later known as the Conqueror) claimed he was promised the throne over a pint of warm ale but instead it went to Harold Godwinson (King Harold II). Furious, and possibly hung over, William invaded England only to be met at Senlac Hill near Hastings by Harold’s forces.

Despite having the home ground advantage, England’s forces were marched hard to meet William so the English were tired and seeking a new pay deal by the time they arrived. Still they managed to hold their shield wall together for much of the day against William’s cavalry. Finally however they made an error, falling for the old ‘I’m fleeing, come after me bitches’ trick, with a section of soldiers forming the shield wall chasing some fleeing Normans who suddenly turned and cut them down, creating a break in the English defences.

Laughing in their arrogant French way at the Englishmen’s stupidity, the Norman cavalry shot through the breach, cutting down the English ground forces while the archers rained down arrows. Legend has it that King Harold was killed by an arrow through his eye and optometry was not yet invented.

Like the Gold Coast Suns, the English were soon routed and the throne turned from Anglo-Saxon to Norman/French and stayed that way.

Although Rocket Eade was tempted, thankfully there were no arrows through eyes on Saturday afternoon!

Heroes

Rory Sloane (139) = Legend! Get your Brownlow bets on now!

I said last week how Matthew Crouch (124) had been disappointing this season. Nice response! Maybe he was just missing his brother Brad Crouch (118). The Crouch brothers had 68 possessions (33 contested) between them!

Rory Laird (121) did his everywhere man job with 33 possessions at 85% DE as did Michael Barlow (112) with 36 possessions at 75% DE.

And just for a change, special mentions go to Curtly Hampton (103) who made the Newman owners so much happier and Andy Otten (101) who just gets the job done EVERY week.

Villains

Q: Why do we avoid selecting players from bottom sides?

A: Because they suck when their team gets flogged!

Touk Miller (48), Kade Kolodjashnij (43) and Brandon Matera (46) all struggled to find the ball although if you picked Matera you have nobody but yourself to blame! David Swallow (55) is also killing his coaches as he has spent most of the match forward for two straight weeks. Rest him or put him in the guts Eade!

For the Crows only Sam Jacobs (61) underperformed in a winning side, perhaps due to Gold Coast still winning – and sharking – plenty of clearances.

GWS 15.15 (105) DEF SYDNEY 9.9 (63)

The Battle of Hydaspes: 326BC

Who doesn’t want a battle elephant?

With the Giants travelling to the SCG to meet the Swans on their own turf and Sydney kicking the first 4 goals without the Giants even touching the ball, defeat was brewing for the travelling side. Exactly as Alexander the Great must have felt fighting King Porus as he tried to conquer India.

King Porus knew Alexander’s forces were approaching the area that is now Pakistan so he set his forces up on the opposing bank of the Hydaspes River. Being monsoon season, melting snow from the nearby Himalayas had swollen the river making crossing difficult and Porus’s forces already outnumbered Alexander’s.

In addition, Porus had elephants at his disposal.

Ever stood in front of an angry elephant? No? Well, don’t put it on your bucket list.

Unless it’s the final task on your list!

Alexander tricked Porus into thinking he would wait for the river to subside by setting up camp and and dressing one of his soldiers in his own armour and then took most of this forces upriver to cross the river. Too late Porus reacted and sent a small force, including his own son, to slow him down. Maybe he didn’t like his son because that small force was defeated, his son killed and Alexander soon arrived. Not wasting much time Alexander attacked Porus, splitting his forces into two to attack from both left and right flanks.

While they fought the rest of Alexander’s forces – who had remained in the original camp as part of the diversion – crossed and Porus found himself fighting on three fronts. His elephants were panicked by the fighting and retreated, flattening Porus’s own forces and they were soon defeated.

Alexander the Great won yet again although this was considered his last great victory.

Hopefully Saturday night was the Giants’ last great victory although somehow I doubt it!

Heroes

Jeremy Cameron (141) is pushing further up the ground this season, racking up 24 possessions, 2 goals and 4 behinds against the Swans and he may surprise us all by becoming a top 6 forward. Also surprising us in 2017 is Shane Mumford (127) who is averaging 113 points per week despite sharing the ruck with Lobb and he may remain a top 2 ruckman… if he stays fit. He racked up an amazing 62 hit-outs against Sydney this week.

Toby Greene (119) is benefiting from the wonderful world of the Giants’ forward line with another 4 goals.

Zac Jones (115) is another yo-yo’ing player who is certainly playing above his pay-grade while Dan Hannebery (113) looks to be past the DT’s now and returning to some form.

Villains

I won’t mention him again for a while as he had a restricted preseason, but Kieran Jack (36) is clearly struggling for form and is living forward. Like Matthew Boyd, he is no longer SC relevant.

Buddy Franklin (68) had a fast start to the season but is struggling in a losing side even if he did kick goal 800 in the dying minutes of Saturday night’s game. Poor Richo will soon be #12 on the all-time goal kicking list.

Dylan Shiel (76) was disappointing, especially for my Supercoach Draft side but there are rumours he is carrying an injury. He did have 7 clearances, so you can’t be too critical!

And finally, I was listening to the match in the third quarter wondering who the female boundary rider was during the coverage because she was so damn annoying! Then they referred to her by name: Nick Dal Santo.

Oh dear!

FREMANTLE 9.13 (67) DEF NORTH MELBOURNE 9.9 (63)

The Battle of Marathon: 490BC

How do you even know which side you’re on?

With Fremantle’s last gasp victory over North, let’s look at yet another unexpected victory. There are few more unexpected than the Greek victory at the Battle of Marathon.

What’s with the Greeks? They fought so many wars it’s amazing they didn’t go the way of the Dodo bird!

In 490BC, the Persian King, Darius I sent a fleet bearing 20,000 infantry and cavalry to punish the Greeks for supporting a rebellion against Persian rule. The Persians met the 10,000 Greeks on the Plain of Marathon just north of Athens, a flat battlefield that suited the Persian cavalry.

With their inferior numbers (10,000 mostly infantry), the Greeks knew they couldn’t sit back and defend so they decided to form up into a single line and simply charge the Persian army.

There’s nothing more cathartic than going bat-shit crazy, screaming and running around waving a sword! Look up your local LARPing group today.

The Persians were so surprised they allowed the Greeks to surround their army, inflicting massive casualties and before long the Persians panicked and fled back to their ships. They lost 6,400 soldiers compared to just 192 Greeks.

A little red-faced at the debacle, the Persians courageously attempted to attack the undefended city of Athens but the Greek army made a forced march back home and arrived before the Persians, staving off the attack.

Whistling innocently and pretending they were just out for a leisurely sail, the Persians turned around and returned home to wait for Xerxes to rise to power and kick some Greek tail in 10 years.

Heroes

I feel like he is still building and hasn’t found his best form yet but Nat Fyfe (126) wins so much contested ball (19 from 26 possessions) he is still scoring well.

Lachie Neale (119) isn’t winning a lot of the ball like last season but his 22 possessions (11 contested) went at 81% DE, he had 7 clearances and gave 3 goal assists so he has scored well for his second straight week.

For North Jamie Macmillan (114), Ben Cunnington (111) and Trent Dumont (107) were all excellent with Dumont and Cunnington dominating clearances with 18 between them while Macmillan used the ball beautifully with his 26 possessions running at 84% DE

Villains

It was so impressive that I am only going to mention one villain.

Take a bow Lindsay Thomas for those 12 points.

Now that takes effort!

GEELONG 19.12 (126) DEF STKILDA 13.10 (88)

The Battle of Pharsalus: 48BC

Caesar liked his war neat!

If Sunday’s last quarter smashing of the Saints was any indication, this could be the start of a new victorious era for Geelong.

Like the Cats, Caesar swept all before him until Brutus went all Crocodile Dundee with a knife in his back in 44BC.

Caesar ushered in his short era at the battle of Pharsalus where he defeated his old ally Pompey Magnus. Despite having the superior numbers, Pompey’s forces were inexperienced whereas Caesar’s army was bolstered with veterans from his campaigning in Gaul and Caesar was the better tactician.

Pompey was probably a little pissed that Caesar was actually fighting against him with a Roman Army that Pompey and the Senate had given him. Sometimes you just can’t trust a tyrant.

A little over-confident Pompey was gung-ho in sending his cavalry in immediately, only for Caesar to trap them with light infantry sneakily hidden behind his own cavalry. Once Caesar had wiped out Pompey’s cavalry, Caesar’s combined horse and infantry broke down the left flank of Pompey’s army and the rest ran like armoured chickens. Pompey fled to Egypt where he was later assassinated by King Ptolemy who was trying to suck up to Caesar.

This defeat paved the way for the Roman Empire to replace the Roman Republic.

 Heroes

He has received little attention in Supercoach this season but Joel Selwood (154) is now averaging 124 points per week after this 43 possession (22 contested) effort.

Seb Ross (123) was the best player for the Saints, gathering 33 possessions while Dylan Roberton (116) was again fantastic for the Saints and supercoaches with his 28 possessions and 11 rebound 50s.

Patrick Dangerfield (120) didn’t do much early but saved the day with a 56 point final quarter (+3 with scaling) for those who captained him.

Zach Tuohy (116) had one of those matches where he just ran around picking up touches as he pleased, finishing with 32 possessions at 81% DE. Somebody might want to man him up perhaps?

Villains

The few adventurous coaches who started with Jack Billings (55) are really regretting that decision about now but the coaches who traded Nick Riewoldt (79) are a little less upset than they were two weeks ago.

Jack Steven (88) was also a POD in the preseason and he has also let his coaches down between injuries and so-so scoring. 7 clangers hurt him this week!

HAWTHORN 19.11 (125) DEF WEST COAST 11.9 (75)

Waterloo: 1815

Napolean: He’s single, ladies!

Waterloo was the final battle of Napolean Bonaparte and ended his second, short reign as the Emperor of France. He made the tactical blunder of waiting until midday for the battlefield to dry after heavy rain the night before which allowed the opposing British Army time to gather 30,000 reinforcements. Even though the French forces fought hard they were outnumbered too significantly to have any chance of victory.

Due to that and other tactical errors, the term Waterloo is now slang for a crushing defeat.

West Coast just suffered their Waterloo on Sunday. Or is it a case of: No Mitchell, No West Coast?

Heroes

Tom Mitchell (127) deserved better with his 37 possessions (18 contested) at 81% DE but he was a little too handball happy with 25. Not far behind him was Ben McEvoy (117) who must have copped a rocket 2 weeks ago as he had played consecutive blinders since Round 3.

Liam Shiels (109) was expected to step up after the off-season exodus and he finally did. Maybe he prefers O’Meara to stay out of the side?

Shaun Burgoyne (103) looked finished in the last month but he produced some vintage silk with his 24 possessions (11 contested) at 91% DE. Luke Breust and Jack Gunston (99) both kicked 3 goals, even if Gunston did his in trash time.

Villains

Half the West Coast side went missing but probably the most popular fails were Elliott Yeo (59) and Josh Kennedy (79). After finding surprising consistency, Yeo chose to yo-yo between quarters with 29 points in the first quarter and not much after, while Kennedy can be forgiven for a lack of quality supply.

Jarryd Roughead (67) struggled to get in to the match and he relied on late goals to salvage his score. Luke Hodge (67) actually had 22 possessions but committed 4 clangers which were really ugly.

RICHMOND 12.16 (88) DEF MELBOURNE 11.9 (75)

The Battle Of The Ice: 1242AD

With the Tigers’ 5-0 start to the year, it’s hard not to think of unlikely victories, hence the little known Battle of the Ice.

As so often happens, the Church didn’t rate Russia’s version of Christianity and wanted them to recognize papal authority so they invaded the Russian state of Novgorod. The poor Russians of Novgorod had recently been beaten up by the Mongols and their Prince Alexander was exiled and they looked like easy prey.

Alarmed, the Russians recalled Alexander and he mounted a small force to first fight a mixture of Swedes and Danes and after defeating them, fight a force of crusading Teutonic Knights. If you didn’t know, Teutonic Knights were those big bastards swathed in massive iron suits that made them impervious to most weapons. Think the Mountain from Game of Thrones.

Teutonic knights certainly looked impressive!

The Teutonic Knights should have won easily but they made the mistake of meeting Alexander’s army on the frozen Lake Peipus. Walking across jagged ice in super heavy suits of armour isn’t a great life plan and they were sitting ducks to archers as they slowly approached and were then easily surrounded by cavalry and horse archers.

Legend has it that the ice broke under their 200kg feet as they fled but history is written by the victors!

Heroes

In the absence of a ruck opponent, Toby Nankervis (127) went to town with 56 hit-outs. Imagine what his score would have been if his 16 possessions had been at a better disposal efficiency than 43%! Jack Riewoldt (120) also had a great night with 6 goals as he dragged the Tigers over the line.

For Melbourne, Michael Hibberd (124) showed why he was so popular before his preseason injury while Clayton Oliver (115) played another huge match for a second year player. To think he was the same price as Yeo before this round! Tom McDonald (109) finally came through with the goods, running at 85% DE for his 20 possessions and he even kicked an early goal.

Villains

Josh Caddy (69) and Dion Prestia (79) were expected to do great things with a change of clubs but apart from sharing an apartment and braiding each other’s hair they have produced little this season.

Dom Tyson (62) and Bernie Vince (74) have had the odd big match but neither is consistent enough to select. Perhaps the introduction of Hibberd into the side is taking points from Vince? Or he just sucks!

ESSENDON 15.10 (100) DEF RICHMOND 11.16 (82)

Gallipoli: 1915-16

At Gallipoli 8,709 Australians gave their lives.

In total, 44,150 allies gave their lives at Gallipoli. This included the soldiers from Great Britain and New Zealand but also the rarely mentioned soldiers from France, India and Newfoundland.

In total across World War I 61,522 Australians gave their lives.

They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning,
We will remember them.

Heroes

Adam Treloar (141) picked a blockbuster to stand up with 39 possessions, 9 clearances, 11 tackles and 1 goal. Unfortunately he again knocked up his obligatory 5 clangers. A pity he didn’t have any help from his friends.

Dyson Heppell (123) and Michael Hurley (107) led from the front for the Bombers who had a more even team performance.

Jeremy Howe (109) is enjoying a rich vein of form but 4 clangers prevented his 30 possessions from scoring more highly while steak-knives Jack Crisp (106) was also good but a bit messy with his disposal.

Joe Daniher (105) deserves a mention for his 3 goals, 4 behinds and 3 goal assists as he dominated the Pies’ backline for which he won the ANZAC Medal.

Villains

No, I refuse to give Scott Pendlebury (67) and Taylor Adams (78) a mention in the Villains list. Well, I mentioned them but only to underline the true villains:

Nathan F’ing Buckley!

Now don’t get confused and think I am annoyed because of Supercoach, because I own neither player. I just don’t understand why Buckley moved them out of the midfield so often in such a big match. If they’re fit, leave them in the guts, if they’re not, don’t play them.

It’s not rocket-science, Bucks!

Brent Stanton (34) is no longer close to his premium status after this 11 possession effort while Zach Merrett (83) is still an uber-premium but he copped a Champion Data special with his 33 possessions and 10 marks heavily penalized due to a 51% DE and 5 clangers.

And finally before I sign off: Brodie Grundy (71). Mason Cox comes in and bye-bye goes Brodie.

Let’s blame Bucks for that one too!

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28 thoughts on “Round 5 Review”

    1. I have Steele and I too was amazed by his disappearing act in the final quarter but he did play to his price tag.

      At least he outscored Roo!

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  1. Huge effort Thommo. You certainly did have some spare time over the weekend. Love the history lesson and your spin on events.
    Only half way through, the rest will have to wait until my next trip to ‘the office’. My legs were getting sore!

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  2. WOWEE- an outstanding read. Who doesn’t love battle analogies. Thanks Thommo.

    We have all heard of the Doomsday clock … I think there maybe a similar version at Collingwood and it just moved a whole lot closer to midnight. LOL

    For the record I am a Pies supporter and it’s time to put an end to this rubbish.

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    1. Thank you RMB. The plight of Collingwood (and Essendon with Hird, Brisbane with Voss) just shows why clubs shouldn’t appoint favourite sons as coach without coaching experience.

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  3. Ridiculously impressive write up Thommo!

    Had a chuckle over the braiding hair comment amongst other things, great stuff

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  4. Incredible! The problem you have now Thommo is that we’re only 5 rounds into the year. How are you possibly going to top this effort?

    I have to agree on the Dal Santo call. It’s bad enough they’ve taken away Cometti and inflict Brian “Inside Left-Hand Goalpost” Taylor on us every week; do we really need a soprano on the boundary line as well?

    Villian of the Year is already decided though. Congrats Bucks, ya muppet.

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    1. Didn’t you know that I’m finished for 2017, Chillo? The Hawks suck, Dal Santo sounds like Beckham ( Victoria and David), so I’m done!

      * Drops microphone*

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  5. Brilliant review Thomas,

    These have already become must reads.
    If you are going to continue the theme might I suggest Tarantino films as a canvas upon which to produce your next masterpiece? There’s only 8 but you can use From Dusk till Dawn as the ninth option.

    I look forward to the Carlton game being The Hateful Eight as we’re unlikely to be a part of the 8 for some time.

    Seriously good work above.

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    1. No worries Andy, I’ll see if I can work some movie magic soon!

      Don’t sweat your boys though, your young talls are promising so you’ll turn the corner in a couple of seasons.

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      1. Agreed, not overly concerned about results, just getting games into them.
        Back 6 really developing and forwards starting to come on.

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  6. Fantastic write up Thommo!

    I will have to come back later to read the last 5 Epic War battles.

    Also well done on towelling me up in not 1 but 2 league matches.
    I think you have paid me back for your unlucky 1pt loss in a SC final match – up last year.

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    1. Did I? I haven’t looked closely at league results yet. Sorry about that!

      I’m still kicking myself for reversing my O’meara to Oliver trade and instead taking Yeo! When will I learn?

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  7. Thanks Thommo, I really enjoyed reading your slant on some historic battles, it certainly gave me a chuckle, and even taught me about the battle of the ice, one I’d never heard of, and previously would have guessed it to be the 1980 Olympic gold medal ice hockey match.

    Just one thing you didn’t mention about why the English were tired at the battle of Hastings, was that they’d just defeated an invading Viking army at the Battle of Stamford Bridge a couple of weeks earlier, so they really had their work cut out for them!

    You must have put a lot of time into writing this, much appreciated!

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    1. Shhh! Don’t let people know I exaggerated and possibly made some sh*t up Dean!

      You are, of course, correct! The English marched 75km per day to meet William who had rested after taking Pevensey 2 weeks prior. In addition they lacked the cavalry and archerd that William had and yet they held out for 6 hours before the breech.

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  8. Now you’ve done it Thommo – I’ve a sudden urge to go and watch King Arthur: Legend of the Sword….but it is not out till next month….gah!!

    On a serious note, this is another brilliant piece, keeps it real with no misguided illusions between footy and war but also keeps the reader entertained and wanting more!

    P.S – I can see you are already starting to get requests for future Review themes…..can the next war/battle/hair theme include a Trump storyline please Mr Thommo sir.

    P.S.S – I also had that OMG moment when I realised Dal was the boundary rider!!

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    1. Thanks Weendog. It won’t surprise many people to hear I was a King Arthur junkee when I was young and my thought on that Guy Ritchie trailer was ‘Hell no”!

      I won’t add a theme every week as it takes about 5 hours to write these bad boys with theme included but American politics is definitely low hanging fruit!

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