Cow Talk – Round 14

Written by Father Dougal on June 20 2018

Small or Far Away” Father Dougal on Cows

The first rule of Round 12, is that we don’t talk about Round 12!

And the first rule of Round 13 is that we don’t talk about Round 13”

Right, which of course is easy because for some reason neither of those rounds happened for some reason.

Right, kinda odd, but not worth thinking about.

Exactly! Easiest Cow Talk ever, see you next week!

Yup, later mate!”


My, it looks like FD left his computer on…..and didn’t write much this week. I’m not surprised, there were sure a lot of odd noises over the weekend, and he was sobbing a lot as he fell asleep. Something about a couple of old apple computers and stuff on the web; not really sure. Hugged me extra hard too. Well, while he’s sleeping off all the beer, I might as well take advantage and write something. Let’s see…. first let me introduce myself. I’m Cuddly To Mini Therion, his stuffed hamster. With a selfie stick and some duck tape I can probably get a pic of me writing this……



Aren’t I cute! I’m holding a pumpkin seed, which I love. What else about me….I was named for To Mini Therion .666 who was FD’s first hamster. To Mega Therion means “The Great Beast” so he was “the little beast”. I’m into food and sleep and playing in cardboard tubes. Also helping out FD, who seems to be too far gone to write this week. Guess I will do my cuddly best!



Tom Doedee: My Favorite food is pumpkin seeds. Tom is like a pumpkin patch that is now out of pumpkins. Oh well. Maybe he will grow a few more if you wait. But maybe you should find a new pumpkin patch.

Ed Richards  is like finding a pumpkin seed you hid away and forgot about, and then you have an extra pumpkin seed!

Lachlan Murphy  Didn’t play. About as valuable as bedding I have already peed on.

Tom Cole   Can pumpkin seeds go bad? Mine never last long enough to go bad. This one might.

Bailey Rice   Now with a pumpkin head


Tim Kelly  FD read a story to me once where some evil witch wasted a pumpkin filled with perfectly edible seeds by turning it into a useless, inedible coach. At the end it turned back though, so it had a happy ending. This seed is currently edible at least. Eat it now? 


Nick Holman  looks like he plays for a team called the pumpkins, because when they play they all look like big pumpkins that fall down a lot. Mostly when they bump into each other, which is very clumsy of them. It’s odd that while they look so much like pumpkins nobody wants to own any of them, not even to open up and eat the seeds from! Baffling 


Lachlan Fogarty  is more like one of those black tube pellets that I never eat, and is not much like a pumpkin seed

Bailey Banfield   is more like a one of these green pellets that are okay if you have already eaten all of your pumpkin seeds, than he is a pumpkin seed. He should probably be eaten


Jaidyn Stephenson  is like one of those little seeds I eat every once and a while. I usually save them but not sure about this seed


Andrew Brayshaw is more like a one of these reddish pellets that are okay if you have already eaten all of your pumpkin seeds and green pellets, than he is a pumpkin seed. He should probably be eaten


Paddy Dow  reminds me of a cardboard tube I improve by chewing on until it falls apart. He’s pretty chewed on

Cameron Rayner  Had his bye


Oscar McInerny    Had his bye


Jake Waterman  have you ever had anyone give you so much lettuce that you couldn’t eat it all, then it got gross? 


Bayley Fritsch had his bye

Daniel Lloyd: had his bye

Billy Gowers   is sort of like lettuce right before it gets gross


Jack Henry:  Carrots can get gross too if left too long


Ben Ronke  reminds me off cooked pasta. Best thing ever as far as hamsters are concerned. Never lasts long, but does not need to because it gets eaten so fast   


Charlie Spargo had his bye

Matt Guelfi  had his bye

Jack Higgins  is wierd, because his name leads you to expect moldy celery but you actually get sort of decent celery. 


Tim Smith  had his bye and was injured anyway

Zac Langdon  had his bye


Non-Cow Stuff

Dwarf hamsters are prone to diabetes, so you can’t give them cooked pasta or most fruits and not even corn and smashed peas. Until they get so old that they need the best food and they won’t have time to get diabetes. Syrian and Robos can have all the treats you can give them.

In their natural habitat, the Roborovski hamster runs a lot – in fact it averages equivalent to 4 human marathons each and nightly! They could play hamster footy! They are also very fast, and if they ever get loose you will never be able to catch them like you can other hamsters. They can be gotten to where you can handle them, but often they are better “look but don’t touch” pets. 

Syrian hamsters are the best for children, because they are bigger and easier to handle than the smaller Russian Dwarf and Robo hamsters.


Final thoughts

Thank you for reading! Pumpkin seeds for everyone!



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20 thoughts on “Cow Talk – Round 14”

  1. brilliant FD. thanks for brightening up my afternoon!
    not sure you should cede control of your computer again though. and your left-hamded. who’d have thunk?!


  2. while we’re talking tasty seeds and oversized lettuci, there’s been a fair bit of positive talk about Joel Smith filling Lever’s role at the Demons for the year from here. he scored well in his first game pre-bye and looked the goods.

    while he isn’t on the bubble yet, does anyone have a well-informed view on the lad?
    TU: he’s the nuts/seeds whatever he wants to be with his dpp
    TD: he’ll be inedible brown mush as soon as you’ve eaten the fresh, green crispy bits


    1. Great question allsaints. I’m tossing up between Smith and Redman to get cash for Grundy (thanks Nank) via Doedee, but am also concerned about the ghost of John Glenn. If they perform similarly, Redman the better choice and Ambrose and Gleeson still a few weeks off for his JS.


      1. Is Gleeson that far away? Was looking at him pre-season before he did himself in. Seems years ago now!


        1. Gleeson had another setback and is in a moonboot again. I dont think they’ll rush him back this year with us out of contention.


            1. Hi allsaints… Smith was a lock for me last year at D6 – gets the ball a lot and reads play well….. and thought he was set for a great season – Rd 1 – back injury out for over a year – highly rated by the club….that 91 is not a fluke


  3. Hi FD any stats on Logan Austin? If I need extra players on ground I am tossing up between him or rice to redman or Smith.
    He is at 270k with a lowish BE of 36 but Im not sure he will make that much more cash.


    1. Depends a lot on what he scores. If he can actually keep up his 81.3 average he will make about $20K a week for the next 4 weeks he plays. If he averages 70, then it would be more like $12k a week. If he averages 60, then more like $5k a week.


  4. Anyone have any idea how much Guelfi will have to score to go up $11k this week? Need that price rise to trade him to Buddy (leaving 5 trades and a donut in the bank) next week


    1. maybe Cuddly To Mini Therion was wired when he tried to write weird and ended up with wierd. either way, tres etrange!



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