Cow Talk Round 18 –> 19

Written by Father Dougal on July 24 2019

Small or Far Away, Father Dougal on Cows

Hi Everybody!

Chatting about cows is getting less and less relevant, as rookies are mostly needed for backups rather than cash. At the same time, when we need to trade, we have options. So many options. Which is good, but of course which one is the right one?

The one you didn’t take?

Too often true this season. But, that does not help people who are not me.


Right, and since I am generally just making trades without telling everyone, people can only not do what I am doing by accident

Or by thinking. 

Or by owning good players

I am beginning to wonder if bringing in the Hamster was a good idea

Compared to bringing in Jason Johannison?

Much better idea



Right, much better idea. So, anyways, the thing I was thinking about this week, and rather wish I had thought more about over the season, no comments, is something I have said before but is worth saying again. When you make a move, often it is good to pick the one that will fail in the way you can best handle. If, for example, you have one trade left, bringing in a player with a tendency to get injured over one who might score a bit worse but has a history of good health might not be a good idea. An injury could lose you a lot more than the difference in scores. On the other hand, if you have to get as many points as possible to hit a target, and you don’t care how many you miss it by if you fail, then bring in whoever has the best chance of the most points if things go well.

So, now you’re worried about the best way to fail?

Well, yes! And that’s not really funny, I’m serous about that

Ah, the expert on not funny

Speaking of which, on to the player write ups!


Logue – Why did the chicken cross the road? Argh! Fine, why? To prove to the wombat it could be done!

AnswerthWhy did the hamster cross the road? I don’t know, why did the hamster cross the road? To visit the flog!  ……Um, right. I tell the rest.


Walsh – How do you make holy water? ..Squeak?  You boil the hell out of it!

Stack– Why are there so many old people in church?  I have no idea. They’re cramming for the final!

D. Clarke– Why did the cows go to church? Oh god, he worked in cows. They heard there was a new priest!  ….So, you know, it is supposed to be new pasture? Because that is a pune, or play on words, where priest is not? Well, yes but I’m Catholic.


Zac Clarke – Knock Knock! Who’s there? Interrupting cows. Interrupting cows w..Moooooooooooooo!!!!!

Oh, and he didn’t play. You kept him in just to fit the Interrupting cows joke in didn’t you. Yes, yes I did.


SetterfieldKnock Knock! Sigh. Who’s there? The Hamster, he wants to visit you! Squeak! Giggle. 


A Buddhist monk approaches a hotdog stand and says: “Make me one with everything”.

An electron is driving down a motorway, and a policeman pulls him over. The policeman says: “Sir, do you realize you were travelling at 130km per hour?” The electron goes: “Oh great, now I’m lost.”

Pavlov is enjoying a pint in the pub. The phone rings. He jumps up and shouts: “Damn, I forgot to feed the dog!”



Remember, all predictions wrong or triple your money back!

Apologies in advance for delays in responding to comments, ’cause sleep and work. Stupid time zones.

Please let me know what I missed and messed up in the comments. I’ll try and fix and add tomorrow afternoon.

Thanks for Reading!




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8 thoughts on “Cow Talk Round 18 –> 19”

  1. As that great quizmaster Bob Dyer once said after a Barry Jones classic answer to a question..….”quite frankly I am amazed !!


      1. Can we have a poll?

        TU – Yes .. A part of Australian folk lore
        TD – No…What are they talking about???

        I voted yes.


  2. Ha Ha.

    What do you call a sleep walking nun?

    Romin’ Catholic 😉

    Great stuff FD.

    Its great to have you back in such great form…

    Thanks for crunching the cow numbers all year.
    Invaluable really.



  3. Q. What do you call a coat that’s on fire?

    A. A blazer

    Q. What do you call a Mexican who can’t find his car?

    A. Carlos


  4. Two atoms are sitting at a bar and one says “I lost an electron.” His friend asks, “are you sure?” to which he says “Yes, I’m positive.”

    Thanks for your great work this year FD!


  5. If it isn’t too much effort FD, maybe next week add a column that compares your early round projections against actual? For science!!!



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